Posts Tagged ‘creative-writing’

The morning has gold in its mouth

July 3, 2024

‘Il mattino ha l’oro in bocca”

I was not born an early riser.  For most of my life, I have hated getting up in the morning. But somewhere along the way, I changed. 

I have always admired people who got up at the crack of dawn. I have wanted to be that person but often have heard people say, “You are either a morning person or you are not!”

As I grew older, entering adulthood, not much changed, I dreaded getting out of bed. The struggle was real.  I would stay in bed to the very last second while all the time having a back-and-forth discussion with myself…it will only take me 12 minutes to get ready…I won’t wash my hair…. I can put on make-up on the ferry.  I would come up with any excuse to stay horizontal just a little longer. Why did I make this process so damned difficult? 

My friend Lori was once burdened with the responsibility of being my 4am wake up call before a morning flight. I not only hung up on her several times, at one point I told her to go on ahead with the trip without me.  Thank god she was persistent because I might not have enjoyed a wonderful week on a crystal blue beach, drinking margaritas somewhere in Mexico.

Once I even passed up on a job interview. I couldn’t possibly interview for a position with an 8am start time, so I gracefully declined the interview. (As luck would have it, the girl who accepted the later position soon changed to the earlier one.  In the end, I interviewed and accepted that later position. I should add that those scheduled work hours were soon thrown out the door. Twenty-eight years later, after many long days, occasional tears shed, and an abundance of laughter, Cindy and I are still good friends.) 

I often wonder how different our lives would be if Cindy would have accepted and kept that later position. Perhaps it was not just luck. Perhaps this was meant to be and this was the start of my slow transformation into a morning person. 

I began the process of getting out of bed early with the help of Tony Robbins. I purchased an audio tape program of his called “Breakthrough”.  I was determined – once and for all – to get over my dread of getting up. I had things I wanted to do: Take yoga classes, take photographs, write, and simply enjoy stress-free mornings. 

Tony Robbins teaches that “not taking action” can be more painful than “taking action.” I began to think of the struggle of getting out of bed as “painful,” keeping me from the things that would bring me joy, once vertical.  

So when that buzzing sound came around to wake me, I changed that conversation I had daily, with myself …if I don’t get up how will I feel and if I do get up how much better will I feel?  It was a simple technique of using pain and pleasure instead of it using me.  And slowly, I did change.  

It has been over a decade since I have implemented Tony’s technique and now the idea of staying in bed feels wrong. It may not be in my DNA, but I have discovered a love for the morning.  It is a special time and I am grateful for the many joyful things that come right before the dawn, It is no longer an ordeal.  

I had plans to write about how I am no longer on my own island (maybe next month) but early this week, chatting with Lover, I said, “You know some of my best shots were taken at dawn.”  I used the phrase “the early bird catches the worm” and sarcastically said “you know that one right?”  Being a true morning person, he understood. The next morning while reading during my morning commute, I came across this Italian phrase “Il matting ha l’oro in bocca” which translates as “the morning has gold in its mouth.” You know how I like things to connect, so I immediately took out my journal and started writing about my struggles with getting up early.

I like the idea that the morning has “gold in its mouth” much better than catching a worm.  I look forward to finding much gold in my morning endeavors.  

Never forget you have the power to change.

Coffee, a Cry and Creativity at Campground

June 9, 2024

On May 17th,  I met up with Sara Hosey – an author and the host of the creating writing class that I participated in at the Sea Cliff library back in March – for a coffee at the Campgroup in Sea Cliff.  Campground is a place known for craft beer and craft coffee and a fun place to take a seat or perhaps pitch a tent. 

I was almost going to cancel after an insane week in the office. But I needed to take a break and could spare 45 minutes to meet up with a new friend.  I took a deep breath and after a short moment of gratitude considering all the positives around me, out the door I went.   

She and I quickly got to chatting. Not too far into our chat, a wave of emotion came over me along with a few tears that slowly began to trickle down my face.  I tried to resist but the emotion was real. 

I said, “I am so sorry. I am not the kind of person that shows up for coffee and brings along drama,” and quickly explained that I had had a stressful few weeks. With compassion, she just said to “go with it.” And so I did.  

As I wiped away my tears, I glanced at my phone and saw a response from a text from Lover. Earlier I wrote,” I am exhausted, I mean I don’t know how much more my brain can handle,” and his response was “try to relax and enjoy the new friendship.” I read this out loud to Sara and she thought it was sweet. As did I.  

Exhale.

I recently heard Jerry Seinfeld say, “Does anyone ever look back and say ‘I wish I had spent more time at the office?’” That struck a chord with me. It astonishes me to think that I’ve worked more than 37 years at the same place.  Am I getting too old for my job?  Or is it time to start a new career? Or perhaps both? 

My mind is sharp and I can still multi-task like a mad woman, but I continually question myself. Is this what I should be doing and for how much longer? Any time that word “should” comes in – it  isn’t a good sign.  If I were doing something I loved, would I feel this exhausted and mentally drained? It feels like I have been on a roller coaster for years at my job, yet I keep staying on for another ride. I’ve maintained my balance, managing to find time for a life outside of work and to balance my many creative endeavors. But lately – this idea of getting old – hit me. I am not 25 years old. If I do want to start a second career, it’s time that I step it up. 

I recently sorted through a chest filled with old journals which included over 20 years of dating, grieving, and aching to be in love, along with a consistent message of wanting to write and tell stories, whether it be via prose or photography.  It was so exhausting reading through them that I started to take some of the journals, immersed them under water, and then ripped them to shreds before tossing them into the garbage.

It was always the same theme and the same story line.  I have probably been fantasizing about writing for almost as long as I was fantasizing about falling in love.  

The love has arrived. Now I am finding myself as a creative person. These little monthly essays are part of that process. They help.

“What we resist persists” the wise Carl Jung once said.  Ain’t it the truth. I have worked through many obstacles in life but this feels different. It is fair to say that I have stayed with the familiar for a very long time and that a feeling of comfort has kept me feeling safe. It is time to be honest and say that I am fearful. There. I am putting it on paper.  

After the coffee with Sara I came back home. I had a work call. I felt mentally drained. I could barely make a sentence, but I pushed through as I have for the past 37 years and then I let things go.  Maybe I needed to shed a few tears to welcome my new life with Lover in the quaint town of Sea Cliff and the many creative possibilities that lie ahead.  I am glad I didn’t resist those tears. They are a good reminder to have patience, to be persistent, and stop this damn resisting.