TL's Moments

It only seems logical to write about love this month for several reasons:  (1) Valentine’s day is in February and (2) I officially moved in with my lover on February 16th.

One of my favorite stanzas from Dante’s Paradiso is “the love that moves the sun and the other stars.” “L’amor che move ‘l sole e l’altre stelle” in Italian.  If you sense a theme about Italy, it’s because we are going to Italy in the fall and – after all – it is all about the Easy Life. So it makes sense to tie in a little Italian each month.

“Dante’s Paradiso” may not be a song but it is a poem, which is like a song in a way.  Music tells a story, it fills our souls, and connects us.  At the end of the day – no matter who you are – we all have the same emotions and one of those emotions that everyone can relate to is love. How many songs are about love? Falling in love, the ups and down of love, aching for love, breaking out of love. The list goes on and on.  I often wonder if music could be the way to peace.  Think about the times when you are at a concert with thousands of people and everyone is singing along…it’s as if the voices and melodies move through us and for a moment we are like the sun and stars.    

Rich and I fell in love through the notes of many songs.  30 years ago in a car ride out to Sonoma with a mutual friend, he and I sang along to Roy Head’s “Treat Her Right”.   Even though we don’t now remember all the details of that day, we always remember our love for music and singing along to that song.  

I was down in Florida for a couple of months during the Covid days and each day he would share a song with me and include a short and sweet story and so a modern day mixed tape via Spotify was born. As I often say, “He had me at mixed tape” and that’s how DJ Rich won my heart.

And shortly after our first official date, the first official playlist was created on Valentine’s Day, 2022. It was called “The love that moves the sun and other stars”.

I actually didn’t realize that until now.

I guess I can dedicate this to the one I love!

The Love that Moves the Sun and Others Stars – Public Playlist on Spotify

It’s a New Year – New ideas, and commitments to bring forth new life to our goals. 

In general I like to select a word or phrase for the year and this year I thought it would be fun for my lover, Rich (remember him) and I to come up with something together. So, while sipping a Manhattan on the eve of the 31st as we bantered back and forth, Rich came up with the Italian phrase “Vita Facile”  translated to “Easy Life” and immediately the Italophile that I am said “Si, Si, that’s it!”.  I may have actually said “Yes, that’s it” but doesn’t “Si, Si” flow better?

I decided to pair this beautiful phrase with one of my creative endeavors for 2024: To write 12 essay, one for each month of the new year.  

I hit the road running, which at this time of year is very typical for me.  I work on one of the largest conferences in the healthcare industry and this year, as luck would have it, I got sick in the midst of the madness and had to continue to work.  As I powered through the many hours of work, I wasn’t feeling very “easy.” Was the excitement of the “Vita Facile” moment shattered?  

In between the sneezing, coughing and fever, I said “no.” I must to honor “Vita Facile” and be easy with myself.  I find It always comes back to something so simple but very hard to do. We can choose how we react to our circumstances, but most of the time our emotions decide for us.  Believe me, I was frustrated. But I made a decision to not be aggravated by my circumstances and allowed myself to be easy with me. I took many deep breaths, consumed plenty of tea, and took rest when I was able. I wasn’t miraculously healed, but I made it through. I got some antibiotics and started my new year on January 13th with a massage.  

Later that weekend, with the twinkling lights of a Christmas tree that was still standing, many boxes from moving and the remnants of opened and unopened gifts, our music room was a bit of a mess.  So, the idea of an “easy life” once again didn’t feel very easy.  But I welcomed this moment alone in my new home and decided that instead of waiting for this room to be the perfect setting for the listening ear, I was going to play one of my new Christmas gifts, the album “The Stranger.”  As I stood there drinking my cup of tea, singing along to Billy Joel – I allowed myself to see the stranger in me.  

I am not exactly sure of the theme of my first 2024 essay, but what I do know is that I made a firm decision to write and to embrace the “Vita Facile”.  They say when you set a goal to work-out, it is better to work out for 10 minutes then no minutes. Maybe this isn’t my finest writing, but I am being “easy” with myself and that’s what matters most to me .

Now, me and my yoga mat have been through a lot together the ups & downs, the separations, the obsessions, and more tears than I like to admit but for over 20 years my mat was always there for me.  

I think that a yoga mat is like a baseball glove to a ball player.  Our oils, scents melt into the very essence of who we are. 

I had been thinking for a while I need to let go of my mat so last summer I purchased a pretty purple Lululemon mat but it never felt right practicing yoga (sorry Lululemon). 

My yoga practice as been steady for the past 20 years with over 10 years of astanga yoga, teacher trainings, and many yoga retreats.  One of my gurus, Pattabhi Jois had a favorite saying  “Yoga is 99% practice and 1% theory. 

Some days we show up on our mats willingly, other times not so much — it is a relationship where we come to just be and the most important thing is that we show up and practice as Jois said “Practice and all is coming” The scary part is showing up and doing it no matter what and not judging ourselves. 

Not to quote again but one of my favorites from  Woody Allen “eighty percent of success is showing up”.  Showing up is the biggest part and whatever happens after that, it doesn’t matter because by showing up there is always change.  In a way, I am showing up to write and tell stories and let go of what is to be.  When we show up we face the fear and expose ourselves to ourselves and honestly sometimes we find out things we dislike but that opens pathways to discover our best parts. 

Back in the day before Ubers, we used good old fashion cabs that waited outside train stations to take people to their destinations.  One summer weekend, on our way to a hotel in the Hamptons, it was pouring cats and dogs, I rushed to get all our stuff in the cab and then we were quickly off for a fun weekend.  It wasn’t until later that I realized that I left my yoga mat in the trunk of the car.  I had a big lump in my throat and as the person answered I cleared my voice with a slow quiver asking about my yoga mat desperately hoping that they would be able to locate my mat immediately but the response was pretty mundane with a “yeah, we will  look into it” so I wasn’t confident they really would take this seriously. I obsessed about it all weekend (I apologize now to my friend Kari who was traveling with me) and by Monday nothing.  I remember having this feeling of devastation (yes, a bit extreme) but at the time the feeling was real.  It was time to head back to the city and we called the same place for a taxi.  It wasn’t the same driver from Friday but as I popped open the trunk there was my yoga mat.  At that moment, a sense of relief and happiness came over me and at the same time I couldn’t believe I let something this trivial consume me.  

This was not the first time I lost my mat and it was returned back to me. Each time I went through similar emotions, followed by days of anxiety. I began to realize there is something deeper going on but that’s a story for a different time. 

In retrospect, I know my reaction was not a healthy one.

On our mats, practicing the asanas we realize that our bodies hold on to a lot of emotions and letting go of trauma takes time and sometimes professional help along side our practice. 

There are things we can not control.  It is okay to be sad if we lose something but it is important to put things into perspective of what is actually happening and what our emotions are trying to tell us. 

How many times have you heard in a yoga class “let go” remember it is a process and some days it is easy to” let go” of the on the surface stuff but sometimes there are things trapped in our bodies that take more time to let go of.  I am much better at it than 20 years ago and look forward to a lighter emotional body on my new mat. 

I was very lucky that my friend Pam recommended 2 Point Om Yoga in Glencove, NY. http://www.2pointom.com .  It has been a long time that I felt at home in a yoga studio so it makes sense that as I am stepping into a new life that I found my new yoga mat in my new yoga home.  It was love at first site and after my first practice on my new mat I knew it was for me.  

I look forward to growing with my new B mat.

www.everydayyoga.com 

xo. Until the next moment

First a little background on how I came to TL’s moments.  While up in New Hampshire earlier this year, at the Hungry Diner in Walpole, drinking a beer called “It is Complicated Being a Wizard,” it suddenly became clear to me that I should be writing and telling stories through prose and images.  

I have a super stressful job, and one of the things that makes me happy is being creative.  And as I read an entry from The Daily Stoic on June 10: You can do it.  

So, here I am taking steps to tap into my creative side until my higher purpose is revealed.  Talking with my friend Yael yesterday, she said “instead of thinking about your next career why not step into your higher purpose,” and so I decided there is no better time than now to step into my creative self.  I may write about moments, some may be about coffee, cocktails and other sundries, or just ordinary moments and fun things I like to do such as the time I hosted a Silent Dinner with friends.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am a native New Yorker, have been living in Manhattan since 1996, and I will be moving to Long Island later this year. Yes, you heard it right, moving to Long Island to a quaint little town called Sea Cliff with my “lover.” Now, I say lover because when you are over 50 and you finally find love after dating in Manhattan for over 20 years, what are your options to call the person you are in a relationship with. Well, we can go with the very standard names such as partner, significant other or boyfriend, but none of those resonate with me very much. I am a romantic at heart, in fact, I once said maybe I am still single because I want to live in a RomCom. Who would have guessed that my Romcom match would be someone who was once my family’s paper boy.  

In my storytelling, Rich (formerly my paper boy) will be referred to as my “lover”.  He and I have been joking about this since we started dating and I recently tried it out when we were getting our Sea Cliff summer beach pass.  You all know those boxes you check on a form. Person’s name and relationship. He was befuddled as what to put in the “relationship box” and said to the ladies behind the desk “I put partner, is that okay?” and that is when I decided to introduce “lover” to the world.  And as I tossed around the idea of calling our significant others a “lover” with the ladies behind the counter, Rich was blushing. But we kept the conversation going and they liked the idea and shared that their friend was recently asking the same question on how to address her “partner/boyfriend” and I said l think the world is ready for “lover” as an option.  I mean what makes someone a lover? A few simple things….intimacy, passion and commitment! 

I asked Rich then and there, are you ready for me to write and share with the world that you are my “lover” and he said “yes” so  – as “they” say (whoever they are): “We must start somewhere.”

So here I am. 

xo. Until the next moment