Now, me and my yoga mat have been through a lot together the ups & downs, the separations, the obsessions, and more tears than I like to admit but for over 20 years my mat was always there for me.
I think that a yoga mat is like a baseball glove to a ball player. Our oils, scents melt into the very essence of who we are.
I had been thinking for a while I need to let go of my mat so last summer I purchased a pretty purple Lululemon mat but it never felt right practicing yoga (sorry Lululemon).
My yoga practice as been steady for the past 20 years with over 10 years of astanga yoga, teacher trainings, and many yoga retreats. One of my gurus, Pattabhi Jois had a favorite saying “Yoga is 99% practice and 1% theory.
Some days we show up on our mats willingly, other times not so much — it is a relationship where we come to just be and the most important thing is that we show up and practice as Jois said “Practice and all is coming” The scary part is showing up and doing it no matter what and not judging ourselves.
Not to quote again but one of my favorites from Woody Allen “eighty percent of success is showing up”. Showing up is the biggest part and whatever happens after that, it doesn’t matter because by showing up there is always change. In a way, I am showing up to write and tell stories and let go of what is to be. When we show up we face the fear and expose ourselves to ourselves and honestly sometimes we find out things we dislike but that opens pathways to discover our best parts.
Back in the day before Ubers, we used good old fashion cabs that waited outside train stations to take people to their destinations. One summer weekend, on our way to a hotel in the Hamptons, it was pouring cats and dogs, I rushed to get all our stuff in the cab and then we were quickly off for a fun weekend. It wasn’t until later that I realized that I left my yoga mat in the trunk of the car. I had a big lump in my throat and as the person answered I cleared my voice with a slow quiver asking about my yoga mat desperately hoping that they would be able to locate my mat immediately but the response was pretty mundane with a “yeah, we will look into it” so I wasn’t confident they really would take this seriously. I obsessed about it all weekend (I apologize now to my friend Kari who was traveling with me) and by Monday nothing. I remember having this feeling of devastation (yes, a bit extreme) but at the time the feeling was real. It was time to head back to the city and we called the same place for a taxi. It wasn’t the same driver from Friday but as I popped open the trunk there was my yoga mat. At that moment, a sense of relief and happiness came over me and at the same time I couldn’t believe I let something this trivial consume me.
This was not the first time I lost my mat and it was returned back to me. Each time I went through similar emotions, followed by days of anxiety. I began to realize there is something deeper going on but that’s a story for a different time.
In retrospect, I know my reaction was not a healthy one.
On our mats, practicing the asanas we realize that our bodies hold on to a lot of emotions and letting go of trauma takes time and sometimes professional help along side our practice.
There are things we can not control. It is okay to be sad if we lose something but it is important to put things into perspective of what is actually happening and what our emotions are trying to tell us.
How many times have you heard in a yoga class “let go” remember it is a process and some days it is easy to” let go” of the on the surface stuff but sometimes there are things trapped in our bodies that take more time to let go of. I am much better at it than 20 years ago and look forward to a lighter emotional body on my new mat.
I was very lucky that my friend Pam recommended 2 Point Om Yoga in Glencove, NY. http://www.2pointom.com . It has been a long time that I felt at home in a yoga studio so it makes sense that as I am stepping into a new life that I found my new yoga mat in my new yoga home. It was love at first site and after my first practice on my new mat I knew it was for me.
I look forward to growing with my new B mat.
xo. Until the next moment
TL's Moments 